by Burt Prelutsky

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This is the traditional time to once again resolve to keep the resolutions we made and failed to keep last year.

Unlike others, though, who make an effort to improve themselves, I’m out to improve the world. So, for openers, I’d like Steve Bannon to disappear. Between Bannon and Mitch McConnell, they cost us a sure thing in Alabama’s Senate race. But as bad as McConnell is, at least he hasn’t put out a contract on every Senate Republican. If Bannon is so blind that he can’t tell the difference between a RINO-Susan Collins and a Tom Cotton, he can only wind up doing Trump more harm than good.

I don’t know what Bannon wants, aside from the spotlight, but what I desire is a Senate filled with Republicans who are prepared to rubberstamp the President’s agenda, just like the Democrats do when one of theirs is sitting in the Oval Office.

• Speaking of Trump, I fear that his vanity sometimes gets the best of him. For instance, when at the same time that his political foes are accusing him of colluding with the Russians to win the election, he should recognize that Putin is not doing him any favors when he springs to Trump’s defense, and that Trump is being a chump when he then thanks the evil despot.

A few meaningless bouquets should not blind Trump to the fact that Russia is not his ally in North Korea, Ukraine, Syria or the United Nations.

• I am delighted to hear that the State Department is finally getting around to investigating Planned Parenthood for marketing baby parts. When you get right down to it, the organization is like a Chicago slaughterhouse in more ways than one. After all, it used to be said of those running those abattoirs that they used every bit of the animals, including their hooves and tails.

But why isn’t the Department also looking into the liar-Clinton Foundation, which is allegedly a charity, but has only passed along a tiny fraction of its donations/bribes to anyone who isn’t named liar-Clinton?

For that matter, why the reluctance by Trump and Sessions to investigate George Soros, an ogre who has used his billions to foment violence through his funding of Black Lives Matter, campus and street riots and Antifa?

Surely, it can’t be that the Department of Justice is underfunded or undermanned, and therefore can’t be expected to walk, chew gum and do their job simultaneously.

Which reminds me, inasmuch as the House controls the nation’s purse strings, why is it we never hear them threaten to cut off, say, the FBI’s funding when the agency constantly stonewalls House committees conducting oversight hearings?

• I’m a little surprised that it took so long, but the sexual harassment hysteria has finally brought down a female politician. Andrea Ramsey, a Democrat who was seeking to be a Kansas House candidate, has dropped out of the race due to an 11-year-old charge that she harassed a male subordinate and then got him fired from LabOne when she worked as a supervisor for the firm.

• Mark Steyn, in an article titled “The Co-Dependents of the Independent Counsel,” made some excellent points, as is his custom. One of them is that the only crime the FBI was able to come up with when it came to Mike Flynn was that he lied to the FBI, and for that he will likely wind up in Leavenworth, unless President Trump pardons him.

In the meantime, FBI honchos Peter Strzok, Andrew McCabe and Bruce Ohr, who have been found to be up to their stinking necks in financing and disseminating the discredited Russian dossier, colluding with the dirty tricksters at Fusion GPS and illegally surveilling Trump’s campaign team, have merely had their reputations tarnished. Strzok and Ohr have been demoted temporarily, I’m guessing, but McCabe is still riding high.

The other thing that Steyn makes clear is that the same people who are insisting that Robert Mueller is a paragon of virtue spent years lauding James Comey’s integrity.

But Steyn’s main point is that if you’re going to select someone to be an independent investigator, you place the emphasis on “independent.” That means it’s better to pick a name out of a hat than to select a prior director of the FBI to investigate the man who just fired your best friend, the very fellow you had groomed to succeed you at the Agency.

What I would add is that when every toady in Washington, D.C., Republican and Democrat, alike, is singing your praises like a church choir paying its respects to Jesus Christ on Easter Sunday, you are not only not the best man for the job; you are, very likely, the worst.

• We’ve all heard that there’s no crying in baseball. I would prefer to hear that there will be no more necklaces, tattoos and earrings, in baseball. That crapola has no place in the greatest game ever invented, just as holier-than-thou Republican candidates who appear at campaign events flashing a pistol or show up at polling places on horseback, should not be taken seriously.

• I have a new pet peeve. Because I’ve recently had to make a lot of calls to venues where you first have to deal with an automated voice, the assaults on my patience are still fresh in my mind.

It’s bad enough that when you finally reach a human being, it’s one who barely speaks English, if at all. But when the electronic voice interrupts the incredibly awful musical interlude to announce that the outfit you’re trying to reach is experiencing a high volume of calls, what they’re really saying is that they’re understaffed and would rather waste your time than spend a few bucks and hire additional employees.

• Why is it that when southern governors were preventing black children from entering schools, federal troops were ordered to go down South and confront the scofflaws. But, today, when the likes of Gov. Jerry Brown and Mayor Rahm Emanuel give the finger to the nation’s immigration laws, bestowing sanctuary and ID cards to people who are in our country illegally, why are they are allowed to get away with it?

When did state and municipal politicians get the authority to flout federal law, and why are the law-and-order Republicans who control all branches of the government these days giving them the same pass they had when Barack liar-nObama, scum-Eric Holder, Loretta Lynch, Harry dinky-Reid and Nancy Pulosi, were the ones calling the shots?

• Frankly, I am smelling a lot of hypocrisy from those on the Left when it comes to these sex scandals. For decades, liberals have sexualized society in movies, magazines and TV; they’ve pushed sex education on little kids, squandering class time to teach the tots how to put on a condom; they pretend that Planned Parenthood, the world’s biggest abortion mill, is a provider of women’s health care; they place no social stigma on women having babies out of wedlock, and then encourage more of the same by providing the women with welfare.

But now that the seeds they planted, the ones that bore the message that there were no consequences or responsibilities involved with sexual relations – that, in fact, you were a square if you didn’t recognize sex as strictly a recreational activity — the message has come home to roost with a vengeance.

Everyone in politics and the media is pretending to be aghast that there are sexual predators in their midst. But all along they all knew and they were all complicit, men and women, alike.

• Every time I see one of those commercials in which someone says, “I’m not a doctor, but I play one on TV,” I find myself imagining a campaign in which people like Meryl Streep, George Clooney, Tom Hanks and Ashley Judd, say, “I’m not a smart person, but I play one in the movies.”

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