by Burt Prelutsky


We’ve all heard that teenagers can’t be held totally responsible for their stupid, often reckless, actions. Not even when the actions are criminal in nature. That’s because, or so we’re told by biologists and criminal defense attorneys, their brains aren’t yet fully formed. I believe that in the case of liberals, their brains never fully develop. Instead, they remain stunted like bonsai trees for their entire lives.

What’s more, I suspect that the soft spot in the skulls of babies that allows them to pass through the birth canal remain soft throughout their lives. It would help to explain why liberals, who often boast of their open-mindedness, so often seem to have lost their brains along the way.

I admit these are only theoretical, unproven by science, rather like global warming, but it can’t be accidental that those on the Left are always wrong. After all, it’s not easy being wrong 100% of the time about everything from immigration to taxes to morality. Even a broken clock, as we all know, is right twice every 24 hours. I believe the basis of their remarkable consistency is that they choose to believe that the Constitution is as changeable as the weather — written not in ink and the blood of patriots on parchment — but scribbled on a child’s Etch-a-Sketch.

It doesn’t help that these cretins also consider the 10 Commandments to be merely suggestions and find at least seven of them downright rude.

Besides, who does God think He is anyway? Who elected him God? As Chuck clown-Schumer, Nancy Pulosi and liar-Hillary Clinton, would likely respond: “Probably that damn Electoral College!”

⦿ People used to try selling us stuff by insisting that for the price of our daily cup of java, we could buy, say, life insurance or a new car. But ever since the overpriced coffee emporiums — the Starbucks, Peet’s and Coffee Beans — have sprouted up on every street corner, the old come-on has lost a lot of its appeal. These days, for the price of a daily latte grande con leche, you could put your kids through college.

Speaking of which, it seems that Howard Schultz, who put Starbucks on the map, has just stepped down from his corporate perch and is pondering a run for the White House in 2020. So, for that matter, is the only Attorney General ever cited for contempt of Congress, scumbag-Eric Holder.

As he gazes out over the list of probable contenders, who already include commie-Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth dinky-Warren, scumbag-Cory Booker, loose lips-Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, Andrew Cuomo, Gavin Newsom, scumbag-Keith Ellison, Xavier Becerra, Bill di Blasio, Sneezy, Happy, Donder, Blitzen, Chico, Harpo and liar-Hillary Clinton, President Trump must be licking his chops.

⦿ It should come as no surprise that the Left is blaming Donald Trump for Roseanne Barr’s true, but insensitive remark, about Valerie Jarrett, not because he had anything to do with it, but because they hold him personally responsible for every major disaster, including the attack on Pearl Harbor and the crash of the Hindenburg.

Strangely enough, they don’t roast him over Roseanne Barr’s posing for a magazine cover in 2009 — during liar-nObama’s watch — which showed her dressed up to look like Adolf Hitler holding a platter of burned cookies labeled Jews.

Apparently, the magazine, Hebe, considered that cutting-edge satire for sophisticated young urban Jews. Apparently, it must have also appealed to sophisticated young British royals; I seem to recall that young Prince Harry dressed up in full Nazi regalia for a costume party a while back.

⦿ Have you ever noticed the magical powers that liberals attribute to words like “diversity” and “change”?

They actually seem to believe that diversity, so long as it is only applied to people of different hues and not those who hold diverse opinions on the issues, is the answer to all of the world’s problems. They ignore the fact that if every group were to be represented statistically, you would have to include a certain number of thieves, bigots and pedophiles, in every boardroom, classroom and administration.

They also believe that “change” is a universal panacea, seemingly unaware that change for its own sake is calamitous. For the healthy, cancer is a change; for others, a bankruptcy would provide a change from solvency.

Either the notion of change for the better is an alien concept to them or their idea of “better” is totally deranged.

⦿ A change I would consider beneficial would be to make English our official language. Such a change wouldn’t prevent people from speaking their native tongue, but it would prevent ballots from being printed in a hundred different languages. It would stop America from being a modern Tower of Babel.

In the same way, a border wall wouldn’t prevent people from coming and going. What it would do is put an end to the Democrats and their illegal alien voters playing the rest of us for suckers on Election Day.

⦿ Referencing Samantha Bee using the “c—” word to describe Ivanka Trump, John Shields asked: “Are leftists in a competition to see who can say the most vulgar thing possible? It doesn’t seem as if they care what reaction they provoke.”

I replied: “It’s not that they don’t care. They care very much. But they know that the fouler their language, the more attention it will garner them. The attention translates into fame, which then undergoes an inevitable transition and magically morphs into money.”



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