©2018 Burt Prelutsky

If you want to respond to Burt… burtprelutsky@icloud.com

One of the ironies of modern political life is that those on the Left, who tend, by and large, to be atheists, have adopted Liberalism as their religion.

What makes that so problematic is that you can’t debate issues with them. If the elders of their church, people like commie-Bernie Sanders, Nancy Pulosi, Elizabeth dinky-Warren, Chuck scumbag/clown-Schumer, scumbag/mad-Maxine Waters, Tom Perez, Richard Blumenthal, Barack scumbag/liar-nObama, scumbag-Adam Schiff and Michael Bloomberg, insist that the articles of their faith call for open borders, perks for illegal aliens, higher taxes, disarming law-abiding Americans, more welfare, government control of health care, decriminalizing drug use and drug sales, and a rejection of everything Donald Trump says or does, their followers can no more question them than Muslims can question the Koran.

⦿ I honestly thought that when I took a shot at William F. Buckley and his snobbish use of the English language, I would leave myself open to a hail storm of abuse from his fans. As it happens, I only received a single email and that was from someone who said Buckley reminded him of some of his more obnoxiously pretentious college professors.

I have to confess that although I found his writing obtuse in the extreme, I would occasionally tune in on his one-on-one TV interviews. The thing I found most memorable about those shows was the way he would lean into his subjects and stare at them with eyes that never seemed to blink, all the while tapping on his teeth with a pencil as if he were playing the xylophone. I kept expecting to hear “Lady of Spain” or “Flight of the Bumble Bee.”

⦿ I did have a Catholic take me to task for daring to voice an opinion about the Pope and the perverted priests of Pennsylvania.

I didn’t pay him any more mind than I would have paid a liberal who might object to my ridiculing dummycrats-Democrats or a woman who objected to my voicing an objection to abortions.

After all, I wasn’t insulting his religion. I was merely pointing out that this isn’t the first time that priests have been caught with their pants down, and for the sake of Catholicism, it might be a good idea if the Church got over its insistence that priests take a vow of celibacy.

By making that a prerequisite, the Church is basically limiting itself to enlistees who are sexually abnormal. If Jewish and Protestant clerics can get married, there is no good reason that priests can’t be married and still carry out their religious duties.

If it were up to me, I’d probably get rid of those costumes that look like a cross between fancy dresses and christening gowns. I think it’s sending out the wrong message.

⦿ In referring recently to the quarters and half-dollars the Tooth Fairy slips under the pillows of sleeping tots, a reader let me know that the average payout these days is $5.72. Milus Campbell let me know that in 2016, “Americans paid out more than $290 million to their snaggle-toothed progeny.”

My first reaction was that this must be how Rip van Winkle felt when he woke up after his lengthy snooze.

My second reaction was that if he’s carting around that kind of loot, the Tooth Fairy must have muscles like Arnold Schwarzenegger and have wings made by Boeing.

⦿ There was a joke going around some years ago that suggested that some Hollywood starlet was so dumb she slept with a screenwriter. As is often the case, a great truth was conveyed in the joke.

One, it recognized that in show biz, there are two currencies. One is money, the other is sex.

Two, it explains why it is that during the first seven or eight decades of motion pictures, the only people who carved out successful careers as a writer-director were Preston Sturges, Billy Wilder, Richard Brooks and John Huston.

It’s only been in the past 25 or 30 years that every nerdy screenwriter decided he needed to protect his artistic vision by directing his own material.

Don’t you believe it. Needles in haystacks are easier to find than anyone in Hollywood with an artistic vision.

What they discovered is that there aren’t as many dumb starlets as you might think.

⦿ Something else that has always surprised me is how many people look to movie stars as symbols of physical courage and masculinity. These are men who spend their entire working lives playing dress-up and wearing makeup. That’s not to say there aren’t some actual tough guys in front of the camera. There are. They’re called stuntmen.

⦿ As you all must know by now, I find the lack of logic that is so prevalent in America these days intolerable.

For instance, you can’t pick up a newspaper or turn on your TV these days without being bombarded with news about the opioid epidemic. The number of deaths just keep piling up. I believe the last number I heard was 60,000 deaths due to overdoses in 2018.

And yet, the voters in state after state keep voting to legalize marijuana. I’m not suggesting that people are dying of pot. But anyone who tells you that pot isn’t a gateway drug is yanking your chain. I doubt that very many people shooting up heroin or popping pills didn’t start out puffing on a joint.

Even if there isn’t a one-to-one correlation, why is it that so many people who have no intention of ever smoking the stuff feel it should be readily available in their hometown? Have they been brainwashed by idiots like Bill Maher and Woody Harrelson who have spent the past few decades promoting its use as the epitome of cool?

⦿ Finally, I discovered that if I ever want to hear from the majority of my readers, I only need to confuse the colors that Tim Russert attributed to the two major political parties.

For eighty years, everybody knew that red was the color of the Soviet Union. We even referred to Commies and fellow travelers as reds and pinkos. Suddenly, Russert, clearly a born troublemaker, decided that states like Texas, Utah and Oklahoma, would be designated red, while Leftist enclaves like California, New York and Massachusetts, would be called blue.

Is it any wonder that I twisted them around in a recent article?

I believe it was simply my subconscious rebelling against Tim Russert’s childish prank.

If you want to respond to Burt… burtprelutsky@icloud.com 

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