by Burt Prelutsky

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Listening to Chuck clown-Schumer fretting that the tax bill will be an anchor on Republicans next November lacked the usual note of sincerity we have all grown to expect when the Senate Minority Leader is damning Donald Trump.

Frankly, I think with the passage of the bill, the Republicans ensured that they will increase their margins in both houses in Congress. It’s one thing for clown-Schumer and his cronies to insist that only millionaires and billionaires will benefit from its passage, but quite another thing when people discover they’re paying less to the IRS in April, taking home more in their pay envelopes and find the job market opening up in a way we haven’t seen since the 1990s.

For those poor souls who actually take the ravings of clown-Schumer, Pulosi, commy-Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth dinky-Warren, seriously, it will come as a great shock to discover that far from being humble members of the middle class, they must actually be polo-playing, champagne-guzzling, members of the idle rich.

The Democrats have begun to resemble those Vegas gamblers who are always betting on the Don’t Pass Line, in a sense jinxing all the other players at the craps table, betting they don’t make their point. When they lose their bets, everybody is happy. When they win, they’re facing a potential lynch mob.

If things pan out as they should, with people keeping more of their own money and corporations investing in new equipment and more employees, clown-Schumer and Pulosi will find themselves being portrayed in political cartoons as Mr. and Mrs. Pinocchio.

As for those who believe the pollsters who place Trump’s approval numbers in the mid-30s, if I were, God forbid, a Democrat, I’d be skeptical. These are the same geniuses who said Trump would be crushed by Mrs. liar-Clinton. If I were someone like Cory Booker who is drooling in anticipation of defeating Trump in 2020, I’d get myself a bib and then I’d revamp my plans and consider a run in 2024, when the 22nd Amendment will put an end to the Trump administration, something no cheap political hack is likely to do on his own.

• But it’s not just the Democrats who need to get whacked in the head. There are still Republicans who are wary of Trump. Because they regard him as boorish, un-presidential or simply can’t get past his sexist chatter with Billy Bush, they can’t bring themselves to acknowledge that Trump is the most conservative president since Calvin Coolidge. I know there are some to whom Ronald Reagan will always hold the top spot, but I think Reagan blew it when he took Tip O’Neill and the Democrats at their word and signed the amnesty bill, believing the liberals when they promised to close down the border. Fifteen or twenty million wetbacks later, one can only shake one’s head at the naiveté of Mr. Trust-But-Verify.

Donald Trump fooled even me. I only began to support him in earnest once he garnered the nomination, and the option came down to him or liar-Hillary Clinton. But not in my wildest dreams did I believe he would be so reliably conservative.

Whether it was siding with evangelical bakers who refused to supply cakes for same-sex weddings; protecting the religious rights of the Little Sisters of the Poor; placing Gorsuch on the Supreme Court; moving our embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem; getting rid of liar-nObama’s business-killing regulations; doing everything in his power to repeal the Affordable Care Act; confronting Kim Jong-un; getting us out of the Paris Accords; firing James Comey; cutting taxes; building up the military; providing Ukraine with weapons to defend itself against Russia; keeping jihadists out of the country; voicing contempt for the U.N.; or green lighting the oil pipelines; Trump has made a believer out of me.

I did realize back in 2016 that Trump had a far better chance of defeating Mrs. liar-Clinton than Ted Cruz did. But I had no idea that he would turn out to be more conservative than Sen. Cruz.

• For years, Hollywood has been churning out a lot of cheesy thrillers in which the villains weren’t Russians, Muslims or North Koreans. Instead they were in the employ of the CIA or the FBI. The hero was inevitably a guy who seemed like a rogue agent, but in truth was the only real patriot working for the Agency or the Bureau with the guts and know-how to beat the dirty rats at their own game. How was I to know those movies were based on fact?

• Whenever I hear the liberals making an argument for the so-called Dreamers, I hear how these 700,000 Hispanics who were brought to America as children are all wonderful people, well-educated and serving in the military. Baloney! They may not all be criminals or freeloaders, but only about 20% are college graduates, half of them didn’t even complete high school and only a tiny number are serving their adopted country.

So here is the deal I would offer the Democrats: In exchange for Republican votes for DACA, we terminate the law that allows those with legal status to bring in their relatives via chain migration, and we only grant legal status to those who have a college degree in something more useful to society than Hispanic or Lesbian Studies and who have served or are serving honorably in the U.S. military.

That should get the 700,000 down to five figures. Perhaps just four.

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