No Chick for Duce

Last week my wife, Katie, and I were finishing some errands, one of which was stop by the Sprint phone store service center to get our phones repaired.  Two out of three of our phones were malfunctioning.  After finally finding the Sprint store, we entered and the manager, BK, greeted us at the counter.  We explained the problems with the two phones.  Katie’s had the most serious problem because hers wasn’t ringing and would only text in Spanish, which means we had no idea what we were saying …sort of like being a “progressive”.  BK said it would  about an hour and a half before he could get to her phone; however, his associate, Duce Roddick, said he could take a look at my phone to make the small adjustment that would solve my problem. 

I instantly perceived that old Duce was a bit “lacey” but if he could fix my phone … Unfortunately, my wonderfully innocent wife did not perceive that this young man was, in fact, a homosexual, which becomes an important part of this little story as you will see. 

Moving on, Duce took my phone and began to examine it.  He jokingly remarked that he was very hungry and that we could pay him in burgers from across the street at the fast food joint.  It was about then that Katie said, “No, we’ll bring you something from … (wait for it) … Chick-fil-A!”  That’s about the time that old Duce’s “milk of human kindness” ran sour.  Duce went from helpful employee to fire-breathing (or should I say flaming) heterophobe in nothing flat. 

In the twink of an eye our former happy burger boy, Duce, handed me my phone and said, “In that case I can’t work on your phone.”  He then went on to explain he believed that the cow ate the cabbage or maybe the chicken ate the cabbage ...  In his esteemed opinion Chick-fil-A was a hate-filled organization that discriminated against gays, they were awful and how he hoped that their customers choked on their chicken. 

I then asked him if he thought it was appropriate to wish death or injury to political opponents.  I reminded him that bullying others for their opinions was just what he was accusing them of doing.  I asked him if he thought it was appropriate to berate people who disagreed with him.  After all, Chick-fil-A’s CEO, Dan Cathy, had only stated the exact opinion held by Barrack Obama until just a few weeks ago. 

But the longer this young man sat there, the more impassioned he became.  He then felt obligated to give more details on his belief that Chic-fil-A was a bunch of bigots and hate mongers who provided money to anti-gay organizations.  He said that he wasn’t a bully but that Chick-fil-A was a bunch of bullies telling “gays” who they could and could not marry.  Further, in the same screed, he demanded to know what right they had to inflict their morality on him and other gays.  This young man was in full bore.  The match had touched the fuse of his rage and he was “Flame On.” 

Knowing already that I was going to file a formal complaint with Sprint I managed to keep myself calm and collected and address logically the issues proffered.  I reminded him that the gay community was much more prone to bullying than the Chick-fil-A organization.  I reminded him that Mr. Cathy held a position that had been held for the past 6,000 years of human history.  Further, Chick-fil-A wasn’t forcing their morality on the gay community.  In fact, if anyone is trying to force their morality—or lack thereof—on anyone, I would have to say that the homosexual lobby and angry heterophobes are much more guilty of that than anyone else in the country.  The question might more reasonably be asked, “Why it is that homosexuals believe they have the right to force what many see as immorality on everyone else?”  I reminded him that had his sexual preference been dominant, the human species would have lasted about one generation in the garden, beyond that … 

It was at that point that I turned to the manager, BK, who was just standing there with a dumb look on his face, and told him that in my business I had fifty employees and if any one of them ever spoke to a customer as this young man had just spoken to me, I would fire their butt in about three seconds.  Whether the customer is right or wrong is irrelevant.  Employees simply have no right to represent your employer in this manner, nor do you have the right to assault customers in this fashion.  I assured him that his passive ignorance was no excuse and that if either of them were working in my company they would be now be  unemployed.  Meanwhile, customers who were in the store left, those who were about to come inside were turning and walking away.  In all, this young man’s tirade probably cost the store several thousand dollars. 

But Old Duce got to say what was on his mind. 

Folks, these types of situations that we see going on all around the country.  This is heterophobic bullying of anybody who would stand in the way of those few individuals who would blithely toss out six thousand years of morality to embrace that which has always been regarded as unseemly.  Obviously, there is much more I could have said to this young man but it would have been a complete waste of time … mine, not his.

 ·       Somewhere in the harangue he mentioned religious persecution.  I could have reminded that the Separation Clause in the Constitution was to protect religion from government … not the other way around. 

·       I could have reminded him that those who say that you cannot legislate morality are feeble-minded moral cowards, because if you cannot legislate morality, that leaves only immorality to be legislated.  It is time to stand up and be counted.

 ·       I could have reminded him that every political system is religious by its very nature because it sets the moral timbre of the nation and, therefore, Congress is flying in the face of 200 years of history with their recent rejection of Christianity, which has been replaced with the moral relativism of humanism.  As a result, over the last half to three quarters of a century of choosing the failed tenets of humanism over Christianity, we are engaged in wars across the world, we suffered 9/11, we have a $16 trillion in debt, skyrocketing taxes, and a president who hates America, Christianity, and the fundamental cultural values that have sustained us from Jamestown until our betrayal at the hands of Wilson and  FDR. 

·       I could have reminded him that we will have, by default, a religious government.  Our Founding Fathers saw religion as Christianity.  The Webster’s Dictionary of 1828 defines religion as Christianity and other “religions” were described as paganism or Mohammedans.  The point was  that Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion which would preclude any attempt at establishing a national denomination such as Methodism, Lutheranism, Catholicism, etc. 

·       I could have told him his statement that the Chick-fil-A organization was bigoted was proof of his naiveté and heterophobic rage.  Does he honestly think that there was a place on their employment application that asked if an applicant was gay or straight?  Did people at the service counter ask for people to show their hetero card before they would be given food?   Does the fact that the milkshake machine is called soft serve machine indicate a sexual preference, and if so, which one?

By this time Katie was more than exasperated and asked the manager, BK, for another Sprint service center to which the wise and honest could repair for repairs.  I was tempted to ask if there were any Sprint stores in the area where the attendants were sane.  But knowing that the milk of human kindness had not just soured—but indeed dried up—I fought the urge to further annoy this young heterophobe and poor ole BK; besides, it was almost supper time and I still had to have my phones fixed, allowing me the ability to answer both the call of my appetite and my wife’s phone. 

Maybe Katie and I will send this kid a fast food gift certificate … from Chick-fil-A.  He might need it if he is no longer employed at Sprint.  Something warming about poetic justice, isn’t there?

If you would like to read the letter I sent to Sprint's Board of Directors, CLICK HERE.