Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown, and Jill became a libertarian. What the…?
Here’s how it happened. First, the IRS took half her water in taxes. Then the Department of Justice took her bucket because it might be made out of illegal wood from India. Then the DNR fined Jill for disrupting the habitat of some creek guppy no one ever heard of.
The NLRB ruled Jill could only fetch water in Washington State and had to pay union guys to do it. TSA did a full cavity search and a double pat down of her mommy parts; that had nothing to do with the bucket of water, they just get off on that stuff. When she gasped, the EPA fined her for an excessive carbon dioxide emission.
Then Bruce and Lance named Jill in a class-action lawsuit because she got to inherit her husband’s bucket of water while they couldn’t even get married. She was banned from the Labor Day parade in Wausau because Jack never joined the water-fetchers union and voted Republican once. The USDA had her detained when a tip came in that she might have raw milk in that bucket.
President Obama decided Jill had more water than she needed, and said we would all be better off with him “spreadin’ the wet around”. Joe Biden later claimed he hydrated or moistened over 2 million Americans. One solar panel company took 365 million gallons of government stimulus water and then moved to China. Al Gore made a Power Point movie that showed Jill boiling polar bears in her bucket on coal-fired stove. He made billions off the fakery.
An angry mob stalked Jill wherever she went because she wouldn’t buy their water, shouting “shame, shame, shame” and drumming for months. When she suggested they could just Segway up the hill and fetch a pail for themselves like she did, the Congressional Black Caucus called her a racist and Maxine Waters told her to go to hell. Jimmy Hoffa said he would take sons of bitches like her out; she was pretty sure he didn’t mean on a date.
Afraid for her life, Jill went to buy a handgun but had to wait five days. Then she found out she could not carry it in her purse in Wisconsin until November anyway. While she counted the days down, a teen flashmob beat and then pistol-whipped her after the state fair. “Wow – how’d you guys get your training and permits already?” she marveled, spitting teeth. Jill was a little naïve about criminals and guns.
Meanwhile Ben Bernanke started printing trillions of new bucket-o-water redemption certificates, and Jill’s bucket of real water shot up in price from 300 certificates per fluid ounce to over 1,900 of the bogus Fed water-coupons. Ron Paul and Peter Schiff said “toldya” while Michael Moore made a movie about Jill’s obscene water-wealth entitled “Koch Whore.” When Jack Jr. got suspended from school for calling some gay kid a “teabagger”, Jill wondered why all those liberal commentators on TV still had jobs.
And then Jill started to notice that fewer and fewer people were hiking up the hill to fetch their own heavy pails of water, while more and more people sat at the bottom of the hill, demanding government quench their thirst. After a time, they did not even know where the water came from; and they did not care. They just wanted more; they said they were entitled to it.
They elected politicians who promised them free water. Her government blamed the rich water-fetchers like Jill for the thirst of those who sat at the bottom of the hill in poverty. That same government took and more of Jill’s water away from her in taxes; they forced her to pay fetching permits; they regulated her route; they mandated airbags for her buckets; they forced her to buy insurance she did not want; they invaded other countries and sent her the bill.
And they did not stop at taking her property. They told her where she could send her kids to school and what they must be taught. They made her pay a union in order to fetch buckets of water for herself. They told her what she could eat, drive, smoke, own, sell, buy, wear, drink, study, build, party with, heat with, light with, listen to, watch, flush, shoot, visit, record, say, write, and marry.
They told her she could not be trusted to make those decisions for herself; and they built new prisons to hold her if she made choices they did not like. One Party told her this is what democracy looks like; the other Party couldn’t even come up with a catchy slogan for it.
Both Parties buried the nation in debt so deep that neither Jack Jr. nor Jack III would ever see it paid back. They spent Jill’s money on themselves and their friends; then they had the nerve to call her greedy and heartless for wanting to keep what she earned for herself and her children.
And then one day, Jill had a moment of clarity. She read somewhere that liberty is the absence of government in choice; that government is the absence of liberty in choice; that tyranny is the absence of choice in government. The dairy-queen light bulb finally went off for Jill.
She saw tyranny for the first time in the good intentions of those who would take her liberty for her own good. She never asked them to save her, and they never asked if they could. Jill discovered they did not care about her. She remembered that her rights were endowed to her by her Creator, not created by any legislature. She realized that they only took as much liberty from her as she gave away.
Jill reclaimed her liberty. She made liberty her first principle - that is what it means to be a libertarian. Did she live happily ever after? No, that only happens in fairy tales and in the imaginations of empty heads who believe the lies of politicians who promise happiness they cannot deliver.
But she did live free ever after; she owned herself. And so should you.
“Moment Of Clarity” is a weekly commentary by Libertarian writer and speaker Tim Nerenz, Ph.D. Visit Tim’s website www.timnerenz.com to find your moment.