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The Life of Julia the Pathetic Loser

So let’s look at The Life of Julia the Pathetic Loser.

At the age of 3, Julia is enrolled in a Head Start Program where she will learn about Heather’s two mommies, the joys of masturbation, the foolishness of freedom, and the hypocrisy of the American Founding Fathers.

She will learn the identity of the real Messiah, the Kenyan Barry Soteoro, and the American President who single handedly lowered the level of the oceans and saved planet earth from stupid humans while simultaneously ushering in the New Stone Age.

At the age of 17, she takes the SAT, gleefully cheats on her exam and achieves a perfect score of 800 when she successfully navigates the times table all the way through to the sixes. 

She trains for the Race to the Top, a program implemented by President Barry, however Julia finds that her advanced degree in “The History of the Occupation Movement and Its Contribution to the Downfall of American Prosperity” is not in high demand among employers and is disappointed to learn that no one is willing to pay her for useless propaganda.

At the age of 18, after her third abortion, Julia and her family which comprises of Julia, the four children she did not abort, and her life mate Galtilla the Witch, qualify for President Barry’s American Opportunity Tax Credit. 

Julia and Galtilla are tickled pink as this gives Julia the chance to earn her doctorate in Secret Mathematical Tables of the Coven, not a religion.  Julia has used the money to retain an attorney in anticipation of the discrimination lawsuit she will file if she is not hired by the local diner for $350,000 a year.

At the age of 22, Julia, Galtilla and the four kids are on her parents Medicare insurance and, thank the god Barry, do not have to experience the duress of paying for health care insurance.  After navigating the bureaucracy, Julia is elated to get an important surgical procedure approved before she turns 30.  Unfortunately, the surgery is performed at the local butcher shop because no one has entered the involuntary servitude of the medical profession since Julia was 3.

Because of the Lilly Ledbottom Fair Play Action Association, Julia is one of millions of women who get to stand up for her right to equal pay, a situation Julia intends to capitalize on as soon as the manager from MacDonald’s returns her calls.

At the age of 25, Julia’s federal loans are more manageable from her hovel in the Bank of China Gulag in the Florida Everglades.  She makes her payments on time every month, or else.

By the age of 27, Julia and 120 million other women have worked as web designers for one of Obama’s czars who have been in power for 24 years.  Finally Julia and Galtilla are neutered under the Chinese mandate of no more than one child per hovel per gulag.

At the age of 31, Julia decides to have a child with a man whose name she would like to remember, but after numerous attempts, Julia is diagnosed as unable to have children because she has been neutered.  Thankfully, she can still collect benefits for prenatal care and, using her newly issued ITIN is compensated for all the children she could have had, including the ones she aborted.

At the age of 37, Julia’s four children are repeating Kindergarten for the seventh time and Julia opts for the Race to the Top degree in Kindergartenology for all of her children.  There is great rejoicing when Julia and Galtilla learn that their eleven year old daughter is pregnant.

At the age of 42, Julia wants to start her own web business.  The Smaller Business Administration offers her three and a half million dollars not to start the business and Julia uses the money to purchase a tent and a faux fur coat which she shares in the winter with her children and 14 grandchildren in the gulag.  Unfortunately, Julia has been evicted from her hovel for violation of the Bank of China’s policies.  Galtilla is nowhere to be found.

At the age of 65, Julia enrolls in Medicare and heads right to the butcher so she can grab a number and schedule a checkup by her 72nd birthday.

At the age of 67, Julia retires from her successful career not designing web sites in the business the government paid her not to start and she receives monthly benefits without worrying that she’ll run out of savings.  Unfortunately Julia is very lonely because she has sold all her children into bondage to pay for bread and rat soup.

President Barry doesn’t spend two seconds thinking about Julia or any other woman from his mansion on the top of Mount Olympus where he has resided with all the other gods for all these years.

Julia dies an old broken, ignorant, hungry bondservant in the gulag at the ripe old age of 68.

All Hail King Barry.

Views: 1367

Tags: Barack, Barry, China, Medicare, Obama, Soteoro, The_Life_of_Julia, environment, gulag, social_security

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Comment by Cam Vallee on May 14, 2012 at 4:28pm

Classic Obamawonderland eh?  What a stupid video that was. 

Comment by Carole Wilson on May 6, 2012 at 10:36am

she sounds like Occupy America

Comment by janet barks on May 6, 2012 at 12:11am

The "Life of Julia" immediately flopped.


Why? Because 1) self-sufficient women voters aren’t as sheeple-ish as Democratic strategists make them out to be, 2) conservative activists are overtaking Obama’s zombie army online, 3) non-delusional Americans don’t want cradle-to-grave utopians turning their country into the next Greece or Spain, and 4) responsible grownups are getting sick and tired of radical Saul Alinsky-style tall tales from the progressive Pied Piper.
Comment by Paul Phaneuf on May 5, 2012 at 10:38pm

Now that was creative.

Comment by Cynthia Catsman on May 5, 2012 at 9:33pm

Another alternative ending - Julia is now 68 and living in retirement in the tent she bought long ago. She's fortunate because it's not owned by the Bank of China and she managed to add a couple of cardboard box rooms. One hot summer day, just as Julia had completed her mandatory 14 hours working for Obama's 26th election campaign, she collapsed on a pile of Obama gift pens and letter openers emblazoned with the slogan "Yah Baby, We Slo-Jammed You."  Julia was noticed after some nine hours of bleeding out and was rushed to the ER butcher.  She was in bad shape, but the butcher had known Julia for many years and hoped to do his best. She was transferred to the Senior Feedlot where she was given aspirin and water. Sadly, these extraordinary measures could not save her life.  Julia's ashes were donated to the Agenda 21 Senior Garden for eternal repose.

Comment by Elaine West on May 5, 2012 at 6:08pm

Walter - AMEN

Comment by Walter Bowen on May 5, 2012 at 4:13pm

The Answer you are looking for is "small, Smaller, smallest" possible "limited Government." The Progressive/Liberal movement stated in the 1880's eventually took on FDR's "Second Bill Of Rights" to form big Government to "honestly" take care of the people. This was the result of European teaching and all fashionable Americans starting in the 1880's went to Europe for college education. This teaching Permeates the AMERICAN SCHOOLASTIC SYSTEM now using a lot of the same words as our "FOUNDERS/FRAMERS"  and have different meanings. And low and behold "Communism" has just up and sidled right up next to and beside this movement and "absorbed" it!

Comment by John S Bacsenko IV on May 5, 2012 at 11:11am

The best alternate ending i can imagine here is.....

     ".....just before Julia's death a clone of Ronnie Reagan was birthed and some 50 years later found an old document they called many years ago 'the Bill of Rights', introduced this document and was elected president over what was once known at the United States of America.  This Reagan clone, with the help of something called 'congress' that was formed, eliminated all socialist 'gimmie' programs and cut taxes just enough to manage this 'congress'.  Julia's great grandchildren and further prodigy found themselves in nice suburban neighborhoods and found meaningful employment that was both satisfactory to them and productive for those who they worked for.......a pipe dream I know........but I manage to keep the hope alive.   

Comment by Paul Phaneuf on May 5, 2012 at 10:54am

Keep 'em coming.  I love these alternative endings...

Comment by Cynthia Catsman on May 5, 2012 at 9:13am

Alternative ending - Julia was overheard by a neighbor complaining (just once) that her life was more difficult because the McDonald's manager never called back. It was such a missed opportunity. Julia was turned in,  detained and tortured under the enhanced NDAA provisions originally instituted by Supreme Commander Obama back in 2012.  After the District Islam Court denied Julia's appeal for a compassionate reprieve, she was stoned to death.

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