by Burt Prelutsky


The opening of the American embassy in Jerusalem was a moving event for many Christians and Jews, and not just in the sense that it had been moved from Tel Aviv. It was the fulfillment of empty promises made by other presidents by the one president who seems to take seriously the notion that a man’s word is his bond.

To me, the biggest surprise is that not a single Jewish member of the U.S. Senate was in attendance. It’s obvious that they had all agreed to stay away, lest they be seen acknowledging that it was a principled and praiseworthy accomplishment by the man they love to hate.

After all, Chuck clown-Schumer, Dianne Fein-stein, Ben Cardin, Brian Schatz, Richard Blumenthal, Michael Bennet, Ron Wyden and commie-Bernie Sanders, are not eight shrinking violets who do their best to avoid TV cameras. And even though most of them are not religiously observant, I can guarantee they play up their affection for Israel when they go hat-in-hand to seek campaign contributions from those well-heeled sons and daughters of Abraham who, whatever their politics may be, maintain an emotional connection to the Jewish homeland.

And yet not one of these schmucks, who would definitely show up for the opening of an envelope if the event were being televised, decided to avoid the celebration of this historical occasion.

The problem is that their religion isn’t Judaism, it’s actually Liberalism, which in its purest form is a form of Satanism. It explains why most American Jews, 70% of whom are Democrats, favor Palestinian terrorists over peace-loving Israelis.

That is why the vicious rabble who constitute the membership of Hamas are often referred to as courageous freedom fighters by our major media outlets, even though the only danger they ever face is when, armed with grenades, pipe bombs and wire cutters, they attempt to invade the sovereign nation of Israel.

At the same time, the media hacks, along with their pandering politicians, label millions of law-abiding American patriots as terrorists if they happen to belong to the National Rifle Association.

⦿ Speaking of media hacks, when Ivanka Trump showed up for the opening of the embassy, the New York Daily News headlined her appearance with the revolting “Daddy’s Little Ghoul.” These are the same creeps who will self-righteously chastise President Trump for his lack of civility.

That’s why when Trump refers to these people as fake news merchants, he is being too kind. Like Islamic jihadists, they justify their lies as serving a higher purpose.

When the media pretended that when the President called the MS-13 barbarians “animals,” he was referring to all immigrants, they knew they weren’t making an honest mistake. Just as banks never make mistakes that benefit you, the media never makes one that accrues to Trump’s credit.

⦿ When it comes to the ongoing witch hunt, Dinesh D’Souza summed it up well when he said: “Is Robert Mueller investigating a crime or going in search of a crime? One is police work; the other is characteristic of a police state.”

Someone else wondered: “If there was an FBI spy or two imbedded in the Trump campaign who was on the lookout for Russian collusion, why do we need to have Robert Mueller spend over a year investigating Russian collusion?”

⦿ For hypocrisy on a national scale, I’ll direct you to Mexico. As you probably know, it is essentially one huge drug cartel that happens to have a flag and a seat at the United Nations. It is the cesspool where over 28,000 people were murdered last year. In spite of that fact, they refuse to extradite Mexicans who have taken refuge south of the border after committing murder in the U.S. unless our prosecutors promise not to seek the death penalty when they go on trial.

That’s what I call chutzpah with a capital “chu.”

⦿ Because Starbucks received a lot of negative press after the manager at one of their stores called the cops when a couple of black guys commandeered a table for a couple of hours without buying anything, the company decided to announce a policy that invited everyone to feel free to just hang out and use the restrooms, no purchase necessary.

Well, as even a child could have predicted, bums and drug addicts were only too happy to take the dopes up on their nutty offer.

Before you could say “Would someone please call the cops?” the coffee shops were hip deep in people who hadn’t bathed since the liar-Clinton administration and heroin addicts who were shooting up in the men’s room, leaving their hypodermics lying around for the kids to play with.

It should come as no surprise that Starbucks then had to rescind its invitation to those who misused the privilege. I believe their new signs will read: “No shirts, no shoes, no sanity, no service.”

⦿ Speaking of the certifiably insane, Jimmy Carter recently shared his belief that “The greatest problem facing the world is discrimination against women and girls.”

In a world fraught with the dangers symbolized by Iran, China and North Korea, that rang a little hollow. But more telling was the fact that Carter, in his commencement speech at Liberty University, made no reference to his Arab and Muslim chums in Africa and the Middle East whose repulsive religion calls for the subjugation of females.

As usual, when Mr. Peanut levels a complaint, his target, as with Barack liar-nObama, is nearly always America.

⦿ When it comes to repulsive people, Mr. Carter might have to relinquish his top spot to the likes of Theresa May, Emmanuel Marcon and Angela Merkel. They’re three of the European leaders who had a conniption fit because President Trump not only pulled the U.S. out of the liar-nObama/hanoi-Kerry deal with the mullahs but renewed the sanctions on the number one state sponsor of terrorism.

Even though they’re well aware that Iran spent the $150 billion windfall provided by liar-nObama to subsidize Hamas and Hezbollah and to foment violence in Iraq, Syria, Yemen and Lebanon, they still want to do business with the Islamic Nazis.

The fact that the Ayatollah spent the money to feed his satanic ambitions and not to feed his people makes no difference to the European elitists. Like their predecessors, who were only too willing to concede land and people to Hitler, they pin their hopes on the crocodile eating them last.

⦿ You never know where the next great idea will come from. In the case of Katy McHugh, it came to her when she and her family were in a café in Amsterdam. As she tells it, “The kids were having ice cream, my husband was having a beer and I had a glass of wine, when this tabby cat that hung out in the place jumped on my lap. I sat sipping my wine and petting her, and she just purred away.”

When she finished her wine, she didn’t want to leave the cat, so she ordered a second glass. That was enough to convince her that when they returned to Milwaukee, she wanted to open a place where people could just drink wine and pet cats.

And before you could say “Puss ‘n’ Boots,” Sip & Purr was born. The whole idea is that people will buy wine and pet cats, who will be available for adoption. Besides the price of the wine, if you wish to then enter the lounge and cuddle a cat, it will run you $8.48-an-hour.

It always confuses me when I see a price like that. I understand $8-an-hour, even $8.50, but how do you come up with $8.48?

Because I always admire people who follow their dreams, no matter how seemingly loony, I wish Katy well, although I think she’s missing a bet by not calling herself Kitty.

Still, being the sort of worrywart I am, I can envision problems ahead. Let’s say a guy has put in a long hard day at the office and decides to drop by Sip & Purr for a pick-me-up. By the time he arrives home, alcohol on his breath, I see his wife at the door holding a rolling pin, just like Maggie when Jiggs arrived home later than expected in the Sunday funny papers. Spotting long blonde hairs on his jacket, Maggie gives him the fish-eye and demands to know where he’s been and whose hairs they are.

With all the dignity that only someone who has just polished off an entire bottle of chardonnay can muster, Jiggs announces: “I’ve been to the cat house and those, I’ll have you know, are pussy’s hairs.”

In the final panel, we see Jiggs in a hospital bed, his head swathed in bandages.

⦿ Recently, my wife mentioned how frustrating it can be when someone says something at a party and the perfect response comes to you an hour later on your way home.

I pointed out that in that regard, I’m luckier than most, because if I fail to think of a bon mot at the time, I can always file it away and use it in an article.

Something along those lines occurred the other day, but the exchange took place on my computer. My dear friend Orson Bean let me know that he was still experiencing pain from a knee replacement he had just undergone. I had the presence of mind to reply: “What’s a joint like that doing in a nice guy like you?”



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