by Burt Prelutsky


As you may have heard, the feminists are tossing their vagina caps in the air, celebrating the fact that the Miss America contest will no longer allow the competitors to strut their stuff in bathing suits.

I confess I never tuned in prior to this decision, so it will in no way affect my viewing habits. But I would imagine that the ratings will plummet even more than the NFL experienced once the bozos began taking a knee.

I suppose it’s possible that some people will continue to tune in for those violin recitals and to hear the ladies expound on the solution to global warming and a lasting peace in the Middle East, but I have to suspect that the audience will be pretty much limited to the relatives of the 50 competitors.

For the life of me, I can’t imagine what possessed the sponsors of the event to commit this act of financial suicide, but as it’s not my money, I’m just an innocent bystander.

I do hope, in fact, that this is simply the first salvo in the campaign against looks being the standard for the judges in the annual Mr. America contest. Frankly, I have gotten sick and tired of 30-inch biceps, 60-inch chests and six-pack abs, being the criteria, and I bet I’m not alone. I, for one, say it’s high time they got rid of all those muscle-bound mooks standing around in their underwear flexing while covered with baby oil, and opened the competition to regular guys, guys who are short and bald, but have engaging personalities and could knock out a nifty article during the talent portion of the competition.

⦿ The fortunate aspect of Roseanne Barr being knocked off TV because of her tweet about Valerie Jarrett is that it highlights the fact that even though we all have the right to free speech, the 1st Amendment doesn’t protect you from the consequences.

The unfortunate aspect of Samantha Bee using a vulgarism about Ivanka Trump on her TV show is that it highlights the fact that there are absolutely no consequences when a liberal is the one with the potty mouth.

⦿ Whenever I see my rheumatoid arthritis doctor, I notice the chart on the wall of the examination room that indicates the numerical value we would attribute to the level of pain we’re experiencing. It always throws me for a bit of a loop. So far as I’m concerned, if I’m hurting it’s a 10; if you’re hurting, it’s probably a 3 or 4.

But all pain isn’t physical. When I hear a Democrat attacking tax cuts, conservative judges or immigration reform that would include a wall and an end to chain migration, I feel I need an Aleve to bring my level of pain down to single digits.

⦿ Recently, I heard snippets of the recent commencement addresses given by the likes of Elizabeth dinky-Warren, Kamala Harris, nOprah Winfrey, Justin Trudeau, Mark Warner, Queen Latifah, Michael Bloomberg, Chance the Rapper and some foul-mouthed female soccer player named Abby Wambach.

For the most part, it was the usual left-wing flapdoodle filled with clichés about pursuing their dreams they make the kids sit through before finally handing them their sheepskins and making them swear to pay back their student loans.

But the only one who impressed me was the black actor Denzel Washington, a man who has certainly pursued and caught up with his dreams, assuming they involved two Oscars and a hundred million dollars.

Here was a man who had all the validation the material world could possibly offer, but he told the youngsters to place their slippers way under the bed that evening so that in the morning they would have to get on their knees to retrieve them. And while they’re down there, he urged them to thank God, for essentially allowing them to be born Americans and to have all the freedoms and opportunities they’ve been fortunate enough to inherit.

When it comes to the world’s material goods, he wanted them to keep in mind that you never see a U-Haul trailing a hearse, a unique way of reminding them that they won’t be able to take any of their expensive goodies with them.

⦿ Because I don’t have a TV show, I’m glad that Tucker Carlson does and that he gets to convey so many of my thoughts to millions of people I can’t reach.

The other evening, he pointed out that when American criminals break the law, they are sent to prison and thus separated from their families. So, why all the outrage on the Left when those breaking the law by sneaking across the border are separated from theirs? Like the bank robber and the burglar, they made their choice and they should have to live with those consequences.

⦿ Most Americans scoff at the status of cattle in India, where sacred cows, those with four feet and a tail, are free to wander at will and mess up the streets, but they draw the line at condemning the sacred cow status of urban blacks, illegal aliens and Muslims.

One would have thought that 9/11 would have provided a wakeup call to the politically correct cowards, by reminding them that a fear of being labeled racists kept the owner of a flying school in Florida and his employees from raising the alarm that a number of young Muslims were signing up for flying lessons but showed no interest in learning how to land the planes.

A few years later, Major Nidal Hasan, in spite of posting jihadist messages on a public forum, was allowed to kill more than a dozen soldiers at Fort Hood because his superiors were afraid of risking their career advancement if they investigated the Islamic zealot and wound up accused of racism.

⦿ I know that a lot of people are taking comfort from the fact that John Cox, the Republican candidate for governor, was able to garner second place to Gavin Newsom by beating out Antonio Villaraigosa during the California primary, making him eligible to advance to the general election. I wouldn’t plan any victory parties just yet. It so happens that the California electorate is so certifiably insane that between 1997 and today, in spite of our being burdened with the highest state and gasoline taxes in the nation, the percentage of Republican registrations has dropped from 36% to 25%.

⦿ I realize that electing Republicans is not the panacea I wish it were. The best thing about most Republican politicians is that they’re not Democrats.

But the one thing they tend to be is stupid. Because they can’t make it through a day without devouring the NY Times and the Washington Post, they insist on believing they have to take their directions from left-wing editorial boards. Even Trump actually believes that the future of the so-called “Dreamers” is uppermost in the minds of most Americans, and that liar-nObama’s unconstitutional DACA decision must be turned into legislation.

Again, it was Tucker Carlson who shared the poll that showed that most Americans believe that illegal immigrants have a negative effect on their communities. What’s more, every group felt that way; in the case of whites, the percentage was 58% negative, 15% positive; with blacks, it was 45% to 17%; even Hispanics scored it 44% negative, 28% positive; in the nebulous group identified as “Others,” but was probably composed mainly of Asians, the nays had it 51%; the ayes, just 22%.

But what do you want to bet that few if any Republicans running for the House or Senate this November will have the guts to run an anti-illegal alien campaign?

⦿ Someone reminded me that in his 51-minute farewell address, Barack liar-nObama referred to himself 75 times.

I suspect that liar-nObama’s most lasting legacy item is that he gave new meaning to “humility”. Its new meaning is defined as (1) self-love, egocentrism; (2) the erotic gratification of one’s own physical and mental attributes, being a normal condition at the infantile level of personality development.

Its new meaning was in fact the old meaning of “narcissism,” which helped make his farewell address such a long-anticipated event for so many millions of us.



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