by Burt Prelutsky

If you want to Comment directly to Burt Prelutsky, please mention my name Rudy.

The illegal migrants who sneak across our border are only the tip of the iceberg or the big enchilada, if you will.

I am convinced that we are surrounded by these other invaders from outer space and what makes it so difficult to spot them on sight is that they comes in all shapes, sizes and colors, and they are therefore able to blend in. They could, in fact, easily pass for earthlings. That is, until they begin to speak. It’s not their accents, understand, that give them away, but the ludicrous things they say. They all speak a language I have elected to call Jibberish.

For instance, these extraterrestrials I have decided to dub Democrats worship a god they call Liberalism. Among the peculiar tenets of their faith is the belief that killing babies is a virtue, but executing killers, rapists and child molesters, is a sin.

They seem to believe that money they have worked for is better spent by politicians than by themselves and their neighbors. Towards that end, they are always calling for higher taxes and for greater power in the hands of those they amusingly refer to as public servants.

They also believe that those who sneak into the country without waiting for an invitation have greater rights than those who were born here, and that among those rights is something so outlandish that I am reluctant to mention it, lest you think I am making it up. But, trust me, in addition to being guaranteed such basic freedoms as speech, assembly and religion, items that rarely exist in their native lands, these trespassers are also guaranteed the right to have their food, shelter, healthcare and education, provided by their reluctant hosts.

See? I told you that you wouldn’t believe me!

⦿ There is also another form of alien life that has taken root in America. I had long suspected they were here but have only recently found absolute proof of their existence. It was after my wife did the laundry and wound up with not one, not two, not three, but four unmatched socks.

These alien creatures don’t care about taxes, abortions or same-sex marriages. All they care about is eating socks, all of which they must have devoured on their home planet, leading to mass starvation and a mass exodus. While there’s no way of knowing what form they took before heading off to earth, once they arrived they cleverly disguised themselves as front-and-top-loading washing machines.

⦿ While some nuts worked themselves into a dither, worried that the world was about to explode in financial chaos because President Trump removed the U.S. from the abominable deal liar-nObama and hanoi-Kerry struck with Iran, the truth, as is often the case when the ignoramuses take exception to Trump, he was right and they were wrong.

The mental pipsqueaks insist that the $150 billion bribe liar-nObama paid the mullahs was worth it because it put a stop to their plans to build a nuclear arsenal. It did no such thing, as the rest of us know. Even if we had had the right to inspect Iran’s activities, it would merely have delayed them for a very few years. Unfortunately, we had no way of keeping tabs on the evil theocracy, so we have only the word of liar-nObama that the Ayatollah’s word was good as gold. Inasmuch as liar-nObama made a practice of lying to us and kowtowing to Islamic despots, that was hardly as reassuring as people like Chuck clown-Schumer and Nancy Pulosi would have us believe.

Thus far, the news is both positive and predictable. Several major German companies, including Airbus, Siemens, Billfinger and VW, have already begun cutting off their business dealings with Iran. It only makes sense, as Trump reasoned. After all, of the 10 million cars VW has sold worldwide since 2016, they’ve sold only 1,600 to Iran.

Iran remains a major threat to the Middle East, but a miniscule market to the world. If you open your wallet, which would you rather see — a wad of American greenbacks or a few moth-eaten Iranian reals?

Here in the States, the nincompoops are so accustomed to hearing a lot of phony rhetoric from our presidents that when a guy like Trump, who correctly sees his role as the nation’s CEO, talks like a businessman, even Democrats should pay heed. Trump understands that you don’t necessarily have to go to war to defeat an enemy. It is far better to take them on economically, as he did with North Korea and is now doing with Iran.

A bonus would be if a popular uprising in Iran, which has been brewing for a while now, took place once Trump’s sanctions go into full effect. Nothing fuels a desire for change quite as much as an empty belly, as the mullahs may soon discover.

⦿ Tom Steyer, one of the loonier of the liberal billionaires, has pledged $50 million to a campaign to elect Democrats in November, in order to bring about the impeachment of the President.

On the one hand, I would love to know the charges. Would it be a surging stock market? The lowest unemployment rate in decades? A denuclearized North Korea? An isolated Iran? The release of three American citizens by Kim Jong-un?

In any case, Steyer’s group, NextGen America, released a one-minute video on Mother’s Day urging America’s moms to tell their sons how perfectly awful the Republican Party is.

In 60 seconds, the screen mother shows a series of her screen sons bullying classmates, stealing, attending a gasp Pro-Life rally and marching with a group of male torch-bearers the KKK, you think?. Mom even mentions a series of failed romances that she naturally attributes to her son’s opposition to Planned Parenthood. After all, what sort of woman would ever want to marry a guy who believes that babies should be born, not butchered?

“Only a mother can catch the signs early,” she says, while sitting on a pile of his laundry. Even though she clearly believes she gave birth to a monster, a mother will always be a mother, and she guiltily admits she is still doing his laundry “because he never learned how to do it himself.” Hey, that fellow could be me!

But it turns out there’s a good reason to show the laundry basket, because we get to see that one of the unwashed items is — I bet you’ve already guessed — a Trump T-shirt!

⦿ In response to my list of tombstone epitaphs, Patrick Miano offers, as a loyal son of New York: “It’s still better than New Jersey.”

Which is reminiscent of W.C. Fields” “All things considered, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.”

⦿ Joe Neuner would have us believe that a minister decided that a visual demonstration would emphasize the message of his sermon. Accordingly he collected four worms. He placed one in a container with alcohol, one in a container of chocolate syrup, a third in a container filled with cigarette smoke and the last in a container filled with good clean earth.

After concluding his sermon on the evils of nicotine, gluttony and booze, he reported that the first three worms had already died, but the fourth was still alive.

“And what do you all conclude from this demonstration?”

mad-Maxine, at the rear of the church, raised her hand and replied: “Apparently, as long as you smoke, drink and eat plenty of chocolate, you’ll never have to worry about getting worms.”

⦿ I’m beginning to suspect that the future belongs to China, not because their workers are smarter or more diligent than their American counterparts are or even because their military could defeat our own. I would attribute China’s superiority to the fact that their politicians and their citizens surge forward with a single-minded sense of purpose; while here in the U.S., half the people have been brainwashed into believing that Donald Trump is Satan and half the members of Congress insist our taxes be raised, mainly, I suspect, to help ensure their pensions will remain fully funded. Coincidentally, they’re the same half who can’t quite figure out which bathroom they’re supposed to use.

If you want to Comment directly to Burt Prelutsky, please mention my name Rudy. 


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