by Burt Prelutsky


I would have shared the following story on Memorial Day, but Bob Marcks, who provides Scottsdale, Arizona, with something to brag about even when the temperature hits 125, didn’t send it along in time. On the other hand, like Father’s Day, Mother’s Day and my birthday, every day should be Memorial Day.

Master Sergeant Roddie Edmonds, who hailed from Knoxville, Tennessee, was one of the 20,000 GIs captured by the Germans during the siege known as the Battle of the Bulge.

After traveling four days packed in box cars, 1,292 NCOs were taken to Stalag 1XA in Ziegenhair. Upon their arrival, Nazi Major Siegmann ordered all the Jewish GIs to present themselves the next morning.

At dawn, when Siegmann showed up, all 1,292 GIs stood in formation.

“They cannot all be Jews,” the Major shouted.

To which, Sgt. Edmonds replied: “We are all Jews here.”

When Major Siegmann drew his pistol and pressed it to the American’s head, the proud Tennessean coolly pointed out that “According to the Geneva Convention, we only have to give our name, rank and serial number. If you shoot me, you will have to shoot all of us, and when we win this war, you will be tried and executed for war crimes.”

Siegmann holstered his weapon, turned and stalked away.

There were only 200 actual Jews among the 1,292 POWs.

When Master Sgt. Edmonds died in 1985, he was the fifth American to be recognized at Yad Vashem as one of the Righteous Among the Nations.

Yad Vashem is Israel’s memorial, situated on Mount Herzl, also known as the Mount of Remembrance, located in Western Jerusalem.

It is dedicated to the memory of Jews murdered by the Nazis and as a tribute to the non-Jews who “at personal risk, and without a financial or evangelistic motive, chose to save Jews from the genocide known as the Holocaust.”

Who would have ever imagined that a Gentile from Tennessee would wind up being enshrined by Jews in Israel.

Then again, who would have ever imagined that Arabs and Muslims would have the gall to claim that Jerusalem belonged to them, although even I wouldn’t think of denying them their claim to the cesspools of London, Paris and Brussels.

⦿ Recently, I received a small trove of contributions from my readers that I am only too happy to share. Bob Hunt sent along that famous photo of Richard Nixon with his arms raised in victory, with the caption: “I am not a crook……by today’s standards.”

A.R., who prefers anonymity to world-wide fame, submitted “The judges who decided that we don’t have to stand up for the National Anthem expect everyone to stand up when they enter the courtroom. What do you suppose would happen if the Judge came into the courtroom and everyone ‘took a knee’?”

I have no idea, but I’d love to see it. These folks don a black robe and think it makes them God. If the likes of Elena Kagan, Sonia Sotomayor and Ruth Bader Ginsburg were God, one thing I know for certain is that there would be a heck of a lot more atheists.

Finally, Stephen Hanover pointed out that a mouse on a mountain top is still a mouse.

That pearl of wisdom occurs to me every time I see or hear from Chuck clown-Schumer, Nancy Pulosi, commie-Bernie Sanders, Lindsey Graham, Elizabeth dinky-Warren, rino-Jeff Flake, mad-Maxine Waters or scumbag-Adam Schiff or any of those mental midgets who confuse holding an elected office with an actual accomplishment.

⦿ A friend, a very good friend, sent me a response to an article I wrote about my writing career. I won’t quote the entire email because she went so far overboard in complimenting me as a writer that it would raise suspicions that I wrote it myself.

I will only quote her conclusion: “I can see you on Tucker Carlson’s show displaying your wit much like Mark Steyn does. So even though you have been blessed in life with your ability to write, your God-given talent is deserving of so much more. But then life isn’t always fair.”

After opening with my thanks for her effusive comments, I added: “It used to bug me much more than it does these days that I seem to have flown way under the radar so far as Fox, Rush Limbaugh and the book publishing world, are concerned. The ability to philosophize over one’s inevitable regrets is one of the advantages of growing older. If I ever think of another, I’ll be sure to let you know.”

⦿ Bert Black of Silver Spring, Maryland, sent me the sort of item I really like because it reflects my attitude so closely.

An immigrant, desperate to support his family in his adopted country, applies for a job as a janitor at a large firm in the Silicon Valley.

After easily passing the aptitude test, the human resources manager tells him: “You will be hired at the minimum wage of $5.15-an-hour. Let me have your email address. That way the system will automatically send you all the forms you’ll need to fill out and advise you where you should report on your first day.”

The poor man admits he has no email address because he doesn’t have a computer.

The manager explains: “You must understand that to a company like ours, that means you don’t really exist. Without an email address, you can hardly expect to be hired by a high-tech firm. Good day.”

Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and with just $10 in his pocket, he passes a farmer’s market. Seeing a stand selling 25-pound crates of tomatoes, he buys a crate. He carries the crate to a busy corner and, within two hours, sells out, making a 100% profit.

He repeats the process several times, makes $100 and arrives home that evening with several bags of groceries.

For the next couple of weeks, he gets up early every morning, returns home after dark, and quickly multiplies his profits.

Soon, he buys a cart to transport several boxes of tomatoes at a time. After a month, he buys an old truck.

By the end of the year, he owns three used trucks. He gets his two sons to help him with his tomato business. His wife is in charge of buying the tomatoes, and his daughter is taking a night course at the community college so she can keep the books.

By the end of the second year, he has a dozen used trucks and is employing 15 previously unemployed people.

At the end of five years, he owns a fleet of new trucks and a warehouse his wife is supervising. He also owns two tomato farms managed by his sons.

The tomato company has put hundreds of people to work, and the business has an annual gross of a million dollars.

The tomato king now decides it’s time to buy some life insurance. When the insurance agent asks him for his email address, so he can send along the documents for his signature, the man admits he doesn’t have an email address because he doesn’t have a computer.

The agent is flabbergasted. “No email address? No computer? Just think where you’d be if you’d had all that five years ago.”

“Ha! If I’d had email five years ago, today I’d be sweeping floors at Microsoft and making $5.15-an-hour.”

That would seem far-fetched in most places on earth, but here in America, it is a story that has been repeated any number of times over the years by people named O’Toole, Schultz, Kovetski, Chang, Sharma, Hernandez, Girardot, Greenbaum, Reisian and Jones.

⦿ Chuck Courtney sent along an amusing bunch of old comments about liar-Hillary Clinton attributed, mostly to Jay Leno and David Letterman. I can easily imagine Leno cracking jokes at Mrs. liar-Clinton’s expense, but Letterman, with or without his beard, is such a left-wing loon, I find it hard to believe he would risk his street creds with New Yorkers by ridiculing the pant-suited Medusa.

“In liar-Hillary Clinton’s new book, she details what it was like meeting liar-Bill, falling in love with him, getting married, and living a passionate, wonderful life as husband and wife. Then, on page two, the trouble starts.”- Jay Leno

“In her book, liar-Hillary says that when liar-Bill said he was having an affair, she said ‘I could hardly breathe. I was gulping for air.’ No, I’m sorry, that’s what Monica Lewinsky said.” – David Letterman

“ liar-Hillary Clinton announced that she has no intention of ever running again for President. Her husband is bitterly disappointed. He is crushed. There go his dreams of being a two-impeachment family.” – Letterman

“liar-Hillary Clinton’s 506-page memoir has come out. So much of her personality shines through, that in the end, you, too, will want to sleep with an intern.” – Craig Kilborn

“Last night, Senator liar-Hillary Clinton hosted her first party in her new home. People said it was like the parties she used to host at the White House. In fact, even the furniture and silverware was the same.” – Leno

“CNN found out that liar-Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she’s strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.” – Leno

“When liar-Hillary Clinton was sworn in as a senator, she used the liar-Clinton family Bible – the one with only seven Commandments.” – Letterman



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